"Your new neighbour's a bit odd."
"Really? But he's so polite. Dresses smartly."
"Where's he from?"
"Oh, some village in the middle of nowhere. All the other inhabitants died."
"How come he moved here?"
"For better job prospects."
"What's he do?"
"Undertaker."
I sat up and moaned. Gah, this was the mother of all headaches: someone had taken an axe to my skull. Well, no point in hanging around. I scooped up my brains, set them in place and shambled out.
The scientist peered through the glass. "Beautiful. See how the mouthparts articulate—"
The swerving jeep hit a bump. The driver cursed as the gi-ants gained ground. "Enough with the commentary, or I'll throw you out!"
"Mittens?" I glared.
My assistant shrugged helplessly. "All I could get."
"How'm I supposed to operate?"
The courier staggered into the warehouse, arms filled with packages.
"Wotcha got?" asked the clerk.
"6 small, 2 medium and 1 large—"
"Sorry, you're in the wrong place."
"How come?"
"This is the normal distribution centre. You need the right-skewed one next door."
Tessa gaped disbelievingly. "I have to bring a toad tonight?"
The phone crackled. "Old tradition, dear. It's a sort of test."
A test? Some test. She was a techno-whizkid, not a biologist. Was there a nearby pond? Pet shop?
A test. She eyed her 3D printer and smiled.
"You didn't see the intruder?" The detective sneered around his cigar.
"I was hiding! But he was lame."
The detective's chewing stopped. "How'd you know?"
"Footsteps. I also smelled... tobacco?"
"I see. We're done." The detective stood and carefully shuffled out.
Adjusting his IR goggles, he crept past the lasers. His life's pinnacle lay ahead: a teardrop-cut blue diamond.
His trembling gloved hand reverently opened the glass lid. Groped around. Patted frantically.
Finally, he dared a pen torch. The card read: out on loan.
Arn squirmed. Too much coffee earlier.
The tutor concluded, "To show extra heroic panache, use a catchphrase. Examples?"
A hand shot up. "Shaken, not stirred!"
"Good!"
"Do you feel lucky?"
"Well done! Anyone else?"
Arn headed for the restroom, muttering, "I'll be back."
Joe tightened Dan's bonds. "Your time travel paradigm will make me rich!"
Dan scowled. "No one'll believe you invented it."
"Who cares? I'll have an alibi for my robberies. I can be in two places at once!"
"Good point," said Dan as his other self bopped Joe on the head.
"Typical," grumbled Bob to his mates. "First night out for months and our house was burgled."
"Bummer," said Jim. "You'd been going on about it for ages."
"Got all our cash. What are the odds?"
Andy stroked his fat wallet. "How curious. I was out last night too."
The queen smiled at the crowd's roar. Husband dead, stepdaughter exiled. Now to subvert the royal champion.
Clanking towards the royal seat, the victorious knight bowed.
"Do you wish to be king?" asked the queen.
The princess raised her helm and then her sword. "No."