After you move out, son, don't forget the usual rigmarole. Register to vote at your new address, and buy lightproof blinds. Most importantly, get your basement tunnel dug out by an itinerant worker: someone who won't be missed.
When the alien craft landed, there was widespread panic. People fled for the hills.
A matronly shriek rose over the cacophony. "Mr Fluffy, let go of the green man's leg at once! You don't know where it's been!"
And thus the resistance began.
"Happiness comes in many forms." The guru nodded sagely at his attentive pupil. A smile then crossed his face. "I'll send you my invoice tomorrow."
"Eternal life?" His twig-thin fingers gripped a pen. "Where do I sign?"
I grinned toothily. "No need. Just a drop of blood."
He went even whiter. "I can't!"
"You all say that."
"How unfair." His face wilted.
"Not my rules." I shrugged. Snowmen, every time.
"How's Zeus?"
"Playing away again." Hera pouted. "I hate her, whoever she is."
"Sorry." With a plump hand, Leto lifted the jug. "More nectar?"
"No, I'm watching my figure."
"But you're so slim! He loves curves."
"Who told you that?"
Moby flopped down on the pile of ropes. "It could be worse."
Finn glared. "Seriously? We're stuck in a skiff in the middle of the ocean!"
"But we're alive." Moby thrashed around, again falling short of the gunwale. "Unlike that fisherman who caught us."
"Eww! They drink milk they've squeezed out of cows?"
Mama bobbed her head, her neck flexing. "Be glad you're not human. Enough dawdling over your lunch. Open your beak and ingurgitate this worm I found earlier."
I swallow. "This galaxy ain't big enough for the both of us."
"Truth." Xe wipes xer mouth. "Shall I find another?"
"Yeah." I burp up a comet. "We can never stop at one."
He squinted at the torn sign. "TRY". Yes! A clue he was on the right track with the riddle. He shoved the door open. Foul air whooshed out. Holding his breath, he stepped into the passage.
The closing door raised a draft. On the ground, the sign's remnants fluttered. "DANGER. NO EN"
Eyes watering, I swallow the final mouthful. My home-made sauce kicks like a mule, but it hides the taste of the meat. Since the desolation, it's doubly important to barricade doors at night.
Trust me, I know.
The oracle frowned. "The future is unclear. Choose wisely."
"Ha!" Her client waved at the crystal ball and smirked. "You're a fraud. Saying that lump of glass is magical."
"Not at all. It's your seat that's enchanted." She watched the chair engulf him.
The judge eyed the final dish. Her nose twitched. "And this is...?"
"Ice cream. Topped with brown sauce."
"Why?"
"We were out of chocolate."
"I see." She took a small spoonful. "Delicious. Ten out of ten."
"Thanks, Mum!"